How do you cope with imposter syndrome and boost your confidence?

I gave my impostor syndrome a name: Ralph. He’s the voice inside my head that tells me: ‘You’re not supposed to be here’. And I do a dance with him by... ✅ Getting him married with Ruth, his partner 👩❤️👨 When he second-guesses me, Ruth cheers me on 🙌. When he makes assumptions, she gives you facts. ✅ Getting him out and onto paper ✒️ When Ralph’s voice gets too loud I write down each thought or command ✍️ Every stroke creates distance, perspective. ✅ Getting on his nerves 🤯 If Ralph says don’t do it, I’ll do it anyway. A lighter version, but still do it 🤺 A pitch for 50 people? I’ll start with 10. Writing a book? I start with an article 📰 The more I do it, the more Ruth says: “It wasn’t that bad Ralph, now was it?”

Traditional psychology will say that impostor syndrome is about believing that you're somehow not enough to play your current role or go for some big goal. I see it a little differently. I think impostor syndrome is the natural result of being a "spiritual being having a physical experience". Your ego has convinced you that you're broken, small, limited. But that isn't (and has never been) Who You Really Are. You are the Spiritual Essence of Life living through this body. Your True Nature is peace, love, clarity, freedom and joy. Forgetting Who You Really Are is the real impostor syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome is real. But I’m tired of us talking about it, especially within the context of women and minorities. Because it’s not a lack of self-confidence that is truly holding us back. It’s systemic barriers and biases. And when we keep convincing every woman out there that she’s supposed to feel like an imposter in any space she’s entering, we shift the focus of the conversation towards fixing women as opposed to dismantling the systemic discrimination that resulted in women and minorities feeling insecure in the first place.

I am forever the least qualified, least experienced, least knowledgeable, and most definitely not the smartest person on any panel I've been asked to be on. But I'll say I'm usually the most curious! What can I learn from these panelists, this audience, this experience? And when I hear that inner voice of doubt grow louder and say 'I don't belong'. I double down on why I should be there - because we need diversity of thought, if not me, who? Another man to make it a manel (all-male panel).

My favorite hack is to create a "tiny wins" folder. I literally take a screenshot of every encouraging email, text, or direct message I get from others. It's literally a stack of evidence that I'm capable, deserving, and qualified. Really helps fight off that imposter syndrome.

Having a supportive community is incredibly important to help us manage our mindset, overcome our fears and doubts, and to have a sounding board that will help us move forward and eventually fly. We have all been there. You are not alone. Once you hear stories from others in your peer network, your friends or even here on LinkedIn you will be in a much better spot to manage it.

A lot of times we are too hard on ourselves. Self compassion comes with being kind to yourself and self-love. Acceptance is the key that stuff happens, life is not perfect and forgiving yourself for big or small things like in life can help in the long run.

After COVID, I learned about imposter syndrome. I heard colleagues talking about it on a personal level. It’s easy to have self-doubt and feel like an imposter. That’s why it’s important to practice self-compassion, believe in yourself, and trust your abilities. Before COVID, I spoke regularly at many conferences across the US on SEO and PPC. After a two-year hiatus due to the pandemic, I doubted myself. Then in February, at Pubcon Austin, I was back at the front of the room. When I finished presenting, one of the attendees said it was the best presentation he had heard at the conference to date. Considering all the speakers, this was a valuable compliment that reminded me of why I like teaching. Then I also realized I am not an imposter.

Imposter syndrome affects 75% of executive women today. In my book "The Most Powerful You," I share what my research has shown are the 7 most damaging power and confidence gaps that negatively impact 98% of women. Power Gap #1 is: Not Recognizing Your Special Talents, Abilities and Accomplishments. This gap significantly contributes to imposter syndrome. Tip: Today, take the time to identify "the 20 facts of you" - the top 20 accomplishments that you're most proud of, and the skills you used to achieve those. Then, bring those skills forward. Take brave action every day to stretch beyond where you are. Say "YES" to new opportunities to be of service. It will be intimidating at first, but the more you do it, the more strength you'll possess.

This reminds of something I heard on a panel a few years ago: fail up faster. Honestly, the only "solution/remedy" here that has been beneficial in the long-run and terrifying in the short-term, is saying yes and not navigating yourself away from opportunities that scare you. When I took on a huge project in my first formal project manager role, I worried about failing every day until.. I didn't, and switched that energy to doing the best I could, which includes bringing out the best in others.