How can you develop your emotional intelligence and resilience to handle toxic behaviors?

When it comes to handling toxicity, in the workplace, home, or in the community, one of the best ways is to know your motivators and stressors through increased self-awareness. When you are able to identify what makes you tick and what ticks you off, you can pause long enough to respond, rather than react, to any situation, to address a toxic comment or action, or to walk away from it at the moment. Increased EQ means you learn to choose your battles and set boundaries so that energy vampires don't drain your ability to stay optimistic and maintain a healthy perspective on your surroundings as well as on what's going on inside of you emotionally.

To develop emotional intelligence and resilience in the face of toxic behaviors, start by assessing your emotions. Recognize and understand your feelings, which allows you to respond in a level-headed manner rather than impulsively. Build a foundation of self-awareness to help you navigate challenging situations with confidence and poise. Enhance your emotional intelligence by learning from your experiences and gaining insights into your emotional patterns. To further strengthen your resilience, practice empathy, active listening, and assertive communication, while setting healthy boundaries. As you continue refining these skills, you'll become adept at handling toxicity and thriving in the face of adversity.

Sometimes it can feel overwhelming to practice self-care because it can feel like one more thing to do right? Here is one simple, quick thing you can do to start to practice self-care and manage your stress: be present with yourself. Being present is the first way to practice self-care. If you can be present and mindful for just a minute, you are practicing self-care. Be present to what is happening in your mind and body without judgment. As you navigate challenging situations as a leader it is important to take pauses throughout the day and simply notice yourself. Notice how you react to things. Get curious about what happens in your body when something happens at work and grow that awareness over time.

The most powerful way to manage stress is the remember Who You Really Are. In other words, realize that your True Self is way beyond any day to day stressors that you might encounter. It's (your) nature is peace, clarity and freedom. As with all things worth doing, this takes practice! Learning to come from the broader perspective of Being (instead of ego) is easier than you think, when you learn how to look for it. HINT: your True Self is present right now, hiding in plain sight 😎

When tackling toxic behavior in the workplace and its reverberations, I think it's important to demonstrate empathetic leadership. 1-If a colleague is upset or stressed, acknowledge their feelings and show that you see and hear what they are going through. 2-Take the time to actively listen to your colleague without interrupting or judging. 3-Avoid dismissive statements like "Just relax" or "Don't worry about it." 4- Offer support and follow up to see how they're doing. By creating space for vulnerability with your team, you actually strengthen trust which allows those involved to shift focus back to work.

Practicing empathy can help you build better relationships and handle toxic behaviors more effectively. Try putting yourself in the other person's shoes and seeing things from their perspective.

Ask more questions. Use phrases like, "Can you clarify what you mean by that?" or "Please help me understand...". If you feel that it's time to assert yourself, it's a good idea to settle your body down first. Feel your feet, grounded on the floor. Breathe deeply into your belly. Consciously relax any tense muscles. During most conflicts, the individual most committed to their emotional state will often begin to create that state in others. Be committed to peace and self-control and allow your state to spread to others!

In my experience it was Senior Leadership at the organizational site that was engaging in the gossiping, bullying and toxic behavior. I had to assert myself as a newer department leader by letting them know my focus was on getting to know and strengthening my team and to look at current performance failures and to work with my team to create solutions. I made it clear that I did not appreciate being the subject of or being pulled into gossip about other individuals. It was a distraction and when I was the source of gossip and the site VP continued to approach me with it like it was factual I became angry and further disappointed. I felt I could not trust my superiors and after only six months I resigned and left the organization.

Seeking feedback is a first step, but practicing accepting feedback that may not land as "true," so that you can consider it is a skill that needs to be developed. Learning to self-regulate, to approach such feedback with curiosity, and to live the adage, "you can't argue with feedback and win" needs to be cultivated and practiced.

In my experience seeking feedback is equally as important as giving feedback. Feedback should be collaborative. Feedback must be constructive and useful instead of superficial.

In order to lead others, you have to have the ability to stay optimistic! It continues to promote a higher morale with your team.

I would characterize myself as an optimistic realist. I give others the benefit of the doubt. I would much rather approach the world in a trusting way than a testing way. I behave in a trustworthy way and I expect to be trusted. I don't believe that trust needs to be earned. Why would I embark on a relationship -- business or otherwise-- with someone I don't trust from the outset? I'm highly intuitive. I'm also realistic. I try to be aware of my surroundings. I lock my doors. I trust my gut. For me, trust is yours to lose. When it's lost, you're not getting it back. I try to lead by example. I also know when it's time to walk away.

It’s not always what we say, but how we say it. The way we communicate can either build bridges or walls. Our voice has the power to uplift or discourage, inspire or demoralize. It's not the message itself, but how it is delivered that determines its true impact.

Something not mentioned that often goes overlooked and frequently unseen is where you build your identity. It’s easy to build it on what others think of us, our careers, or the activities in our lives. Unfortunately, these are all extremely vulnerable to our circumstances and the words or actions of those around us. As a result, we can find ourselves constantly shifting with the tides around us, which is an uncomfortable and even unhealthy place to be. Getting clear on who we are and our purpose creates a more durable armor that can withstand the inevitable waves of attacks we encounter in our personal and professional lives.